Living in Denial

The current generation of parents with children in school and colleges seem to have higher expectations of everybody and everything. The parents contend that their children must be the top scorers, the school must ensure they are the top scorers & the teachers must also have the same goal for the children.

If the top score is not achieved, then it is the school's fault or the teacher's fault. The child is not at fault & the parents are not at fault. The abilities of the children are exemplary and the parents have done outstanding job in raising the kids. This seems to be the attitude.

Parents live in denial that their children could be above average or average. They live in denial that they also need to put in some effort. They live in denial that the children probably are not paying attention in school. It is also possible the children are not really getting the attention from parents themselves. The child may need some special assistance - but no, that is not at all possible in the eyes of the parents.

When people live in such denial, they are postponing the in-evitable - that is the results that come out showing the true colours of the children & parents' efforts and abilities. The earlier people realize their own abilities and efforts, along with the children's abilities and efforts, the better they can shape the future. That is why it is said "Wise are those who understand themselves".

Improve on the child's strengths and bolster the weak points to make it stronger - that should be the goal and for that people have to get out of denial that the child has weaknesses and the child's real current capability is not assessed properly.

For a better future, we should be open to understand ourselves first & ensure the next generation is given a good chance for a bright future.

VRVD.

Why we blame others

One of the bad habits that the parents and relatives teach children even before they can learn to speak is that we should blame others for our mistakes.

A simple example, is when the child stumbles while walking and falls. It is the child that made the misstep. Or it did not see an obstacle (or observe, if we wish to split hairs). The immediate reaction of people around is to say "It is the floor that made the mistake, let us beat it." This is just the beginning. Just to stop the child from crying, or from feeling bad about its mistake, we start teaching it to blame others.

Of course, when the child grows up and blames the lack of motorcycle, or expensive jewellery on their parents, it comes back to roost where it started.

Right from young age, children should be taught to be responsible for their actions. They need neither fear the floor, nor blame the floor for their missteps. Children should be educated about taking care for each step, responsibility, etc.

Moreover, any excuse from parents citing lack of time, or quick solution of quietening the children's cries, then they are spoiling their children in the long-run.

VRVD.

Long term view is more important

All parents want their children to be successful in life. But success itself is relative. For the children to be successful in their own way, parents need to give the necessary tools in life for them to be reach their goals (not the parents' goals for their children).

1. Basics and Fundamentals are more important than marks.

2. Improve creative thinking of the children. Only creative thinking will help children to solve life's problems.

3. Set good role models for the children to follow.

4. Virtues that will help the children in long term must be imbibed into them.

5. Give good guidelines for the children and ensure it is ingrained into their brains.

6. Show love and affection in a balanced way to provide them self-confidence.

7. Build trust in the children and ensure they trust the parents first for all issues, problems, etc., that they face.

8. Success in 1 step is not guarantee of life-long success. Failure in 1 step is not a life-long failure. So, marks in 10th or 12th or College is not the only criteria for success in life.

So, give "education for life", instead of "rote-learning for marks".

VRVD.

Short term view - the reason for chaotic schooling

The reason for the state of education, especially the schooling upto grade 12, is the short term view of the parents (primary), teachers & school management (secondary, but quite close on heels of first) and easy route taken by students who don't have good role-models.

Parents are the first role-models. Hence, if the parents are going to have crooked views, short-term blind plans, etc., the children take that as the "life-time goal". First damage is done there. Secondly, the parents hand-in-hand with teachers look at just the number of marks & the number of students who pass the exams (100% pass) as the goal to be reached. Learning for "life" is forsaken in order to learn for the sake of marks. Next generation has learnt the wrong ideals and not only dont fare well, but they also follow same methodology with their next generation.

With high population, it is difficult for the limited supply to be apportioned to candidates. Hence marks have become the only way to win the race. No one seems to look at the fact that most students who are at the top in school are not so in life - they end up being pretty average in performance, goals, position, earnings, etc.

Many of the students who were scoring average, but had learnt the important points in life - communication, networking, being part of a team, natural leadership, etc., have become the leading lights in every sphere.

So, parents and teachers should really build the "citizens of tomorrow", rather than use that term only as a cliche in every public parade of their wards, while practising otherwise. One generation has to start this education of all 3 sets of people parents, teachers+school management and students. Then future generations can reap the fruits - fruits don't come on 7th day after planting a Mango sapling...

Hype of schools by the schools and parents

Here is the next attempt on one of our favorite subjects - ", the role of parents to children in first 5 years…" (discussed threadbare from my wife's ideas and experiences)

Parents pamper children during those first 5 years. Then they expect the school teachers and principal to introduce discipline, responsibility, respect, etc., while the kids already have prejudiced learning from parents, relatives and friends in their most amenable age – 0-5 years.

Next comes boasting on which school the children study in – it is X, Y or Z highly touted schools. They are hyped by parents and the school all the time.  Many of these schools pick the best of the lot and then do nothing much to improve them – they are already pretty good. Then they take the laurels of the students and attach it to themselves.

I think the creed should be “Ask not what the school’s name can do to help you, but ask what you can do to put your school’s name on the Education Map.”

We should encourage those schools that take any one - below average, average or above average and make them better students, better humans. That is more important for the future of India. Forget school name tags. Let teachers boost the creativity and dreams of the children rather than cut them by forcing them to do rote learning... India will automatically improve quickly in leaps and bounds.

VRVD