Talking proudly about negative characteristics

One of the frequent mistakes made by parents is talking proudly about their wards' negative aspects. This usually reinforces the ward's thinking that it is OK to be like that.

For example, one mother may say "My son does not listen to his father at all. But he will never cross the line I draw. He obeys me all the time." The son then takes more advantage of the father in not heeding his words. He also takes advantage from the mother by having a good name - sometimes we never know whether the child is just abiding time as long as he needs mother's care.

Sometimes the statements are with other qualities. For example, "My son is clever in saving money when dealing with barber / flower deliverer, etc." In effect, the son uses some devious methods to trick or even cheat the others from their due. This is being encouraged and many times comes back to roost as a very negative character, which the parents rue after a few years.

Parents should have the wisdom of highlighting only the good points in public and chide the children in private when they take the wrong path. This is the best for the long run for the children.

VRVD

Parents must have all answers

In the long run, for the children to trust their parents, the parents must first win the confidence of the children. One of the important steps in that is to have all the answers for their children's questions. There will be tough questions, embarrassing questions, questions in areas that we are not exposed to, new progresses in science, economics, geographies, civics, etc.

Irrespective of our knowledge in the area, we should have an answer that will continue to keep the bond with children. If we are not familiar with the area, we can always look it up in the world wide web and respond to the children. If it is embarrassing questions we should have the clear thinking on whether it is time for the child to learn the truth behind certain areas - is he/she of appropriate age to start learning these things.

A sure way of losing children's confidence is dismissing their questions with any kinds of answers like "Don't ask me all this, ask your teacher", "I don't know these things", "Ask Maths to your mother" or "Ask Science to your father", etc. Since the parents are the main support for the children long into the future, it is important that they be seen as role models.

For that, build confidence by giving as many answers as possible and keep the candle of creativity in the child burning bright. And for the rest "Please wait, while I look it up in the internet, so that I can also learn" would be a good way of reinforcing the feeling that they can come to the parents for any items / issues.

VRVD

Out of reach - increases curiosity... kills the cat?

A small experiment we have done with our child has worked out well. We never took anything from their normal places & placed them higher, as the child grew. The child could reach all the items and curiosity is usually immediately satisfied. A careful eye on the child to ensure that things are not broken, etc., was always there & a firm loving disapproval in case of wrong actions (like hitting things with the item in hand) was enough for the child to learn what not to do.

Our computer, printer & wires were all strewn at ground level. After the first venture received a firm "No", the child did not go near that area at all. A glass top tea-table was our choice knowing we had a 1 and 1/2 year old - nothing hit on it or broken at all. Luckily this kind of treatment left a level of "satisfaction" for the child's curiosity. There is less urge to get somethings at all costs - as the child is assured that if required it will be provided. Needs will be provided - wants may or may not be provided.

Overall it has left our home like, just our home, instead of some homes where we see things go higher and higher as the child grows and is able to grab things...

Like I said in the beginning - it just worked out well in this case. We believe the character of the child and the models around them are also important on how such actions are taken forward as lessons, learning, experiences, prejudices, etc... But if curiosity is increased, does it change the character to increased wants, rebellious nature, etc? We don't have the answer... others should comment, I guess...

VRVD